I have been blessed for 33 years to be generally healthy. With the exception of being born with severe asthma, one major car accident in 2005 and 3 births, any injury or illness has always been minuscule.

I was born in Denver, CO and with high elevation comes issues for a lot of people. I was born with a severe case of asthma but otherwise, healthy. I was hospitalized often and had steroids pumped in me like it was oxygen. Looking back at baby pictures, I can barely tell the difference between myself and the marshmallow man (I was significantly tanner, so I knew who was who :)).

Once my mom moved us to the Oklahoma Panhandle (of all places, Mom, really? No man’s land??! **slaps forehead**), my respiratory issues disappeared….

Until October 31, 2023.

I was released from Western Arizona Medical Center on November 2, diagnosed with pneumonia and (you guessed it) asthma. I wound up having a severe asthma attack in Panda Express after taking the kids trick or treating while my husband was at work. There was no emotional trigger because, let’s be honest here, I was in Panda Express and the only emotions allowed in PE is hunger and happiness!!! And no, I didn’t get a chance to order my beef and broccoli and I’m pretty peeved about that….

My life is my husband and my children. Nothing else. I do not have a 9-5. I bring in no income. But I change the world. So to watch the horror, worry and fear in my girls’ eyes as they watch their mom stop breathing in front of them is a nightmare I hope no one ever endures. The strength my oldest displayed was beyond this world and while I am so proud she possesses that strength, I pray that she never had to be strong for her mother again. Both of my girls had face makeup on for their costumes (my oldest was the female Michael Myers ((we called her Michaela Myers)) and she had smeared makeup and blood splatter on her face and my youngest daughter was a scarecrow with stitches and patches all over her face and body) and it was gone by 10 pm from all of the crying. My son is too young to understand but he was worried (he kept telling the nurses that mom had a heart attack).

ALL parents need a break occasionally. I am with my children 24/7. It is rare we are around friends and family. And even if we are, we rarely take them up on their offer to watch the kids for a bit for us (we were just in College Station, TX, where my mom, brother, and nephew live and we were given the option for a babysitter for a weekend and never took my mom up on it. Yes, we are dumb sometimes.) When I say break, I was thinking nails or a salon day, not a hospital stay!!!!!!

But I believe God gave me the break I NEEDED.

2 days of silence.

2 days of loneliness.

2 days full of tears as I replayed over and over again hearing my middle child keep telling the nurses and doctor that she doesn’t want her mom to die.

2 days of my husband and children visiting me and each time they left, my children cried and begged to not leave me, knowing they didn’t have a choice and I had to watch them leave, knowing I couldn’t go with them or comfort them.

Life is unbelievably short. We all know this but we don’t think about it until something happens to make us think about reality. We hide behind our phones, laptops and filters, but in the end, NONE of that matters.

Your income DOES NOT MATTER. You can always live below your means and you should.

Brands, price tags, likes and follows DO NOT MATTER!

Yes, you look great. You drive the nicest car, eat at the fanciest restaurants, have the biggest house on the block. But are you a good person?

Anything is possible with money except the things that are the most important in life. It costs NOTHING to be a good person. It costs NOTHING to be a good parent.

In this day and age of social media, we are programmed to believe that in order to be a good parent, you HAVE to take your children to Disney World every year, ON Christmas Day, WITH the fast pass, or you failed. We are programmed to believe that to be a good wife, you have to be fit, with the top of the line makeup, clothes and purses, always have your house in tip top shape and be prepared to upgrade that house every few years. You know, gotta keep up with the Joneses.

So we follow TikTok more than God. We are quick to judge others (or ourselves) because of a TikTok reel or Facebook post, when God’s love has never judged us. Why would I want to follow and live my life like an influencer who doesn’t even know I exist when God has loved me unconditionally since my first heartbeat? Why would I want to buy the next trend that will be out of style in a week when Jesus’ love never goes out of style??

I spoke to God a lot while I was alone in the hospital. I thanked him for saving my life while giving me the scared straight tactic I needed to get my life in order.

I will no longer worry about the newest trend when the breath in my lungs (pun intended) and the love in my home matters more (and it’s free). I will no longer fight with my husband about nonsense when in the end, he is my rock (I’ll try not to be his hard place LOL). He went above and beyond for the babies (and for me) but seeing him walk into the ER room with tears and worry in his eyes as he watched the nurses poke and pry on me while I just lay there is something I refuse to do again. I vow to start taking better care of myself as I only have ONE life to live and I will make it count where it matters most, in my home!

But my biggest vow is to always be present with my family. Every day. Embrace the mess as it will be there later, your children, eventually will not. They will grow up and start their own life, with you on the sidelines, watching firsthand at what YOU TAUGHT THEM WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP. They are always watching, learning and imitating, even when you think they aren’t. So make sure you are teaching them the important things in life.

God and happiness, not bronzer and eyelashes. Laughter and memories, not Starbucks and likes!

This is how I will do my part in changing this scary world we live in. Thank you to the nurses and doctors for helping me get better after that scary time. Thank you to all of my friends and family for getting ahold of me, but if I am honest, I am sad it took a tearful, scary post to hear from y’all! And I know I am just as much to blame in the silence.

But thank you so much to my husband. He works so hard for us and he never wavered in strength for me or our babies. God sure has blessed me.

God is Good. Let’s change the world with what matters.